How'm I Gonna Be a Dad?
by wbaker5286
Summary: With the imminent birth of their first child, Inuyasha wonders if he has what it takes to be a dad. Rated for a little language problem someone has.


I really don't own anything connected with Inuyasha. I don't own anything connected with any song by Jonathon Brandmeier, either. They both make me laugh, though.

How'm I Gonna Be a Dad?

He could take out a demon three times his size with no problem. He'd been a large part of defeating the greatest evil known to the world. He could handle a hole clean through his gut, and keep on fighting. But he didn't know if he'd be able to get through this.

This was just **so** big! This was forever. This was the most important thing he would ever do. He was going to be a dad, and it scared him to death.

He'd spent the last eight months being scared. Ever since Kagome had first told him, he'd been scared shitless. No, that was wrong. Kagome had told him that he had to clean up his language before the baby came. So maybe he was scared poo-poo less. That just sounded wrong, coming from the mind of a mighty hanyou.

He had no idea what a dad was. He'd watched the monk, sure, but even with his new family attitude, Miroku couldn't really be called a good example. The bouzu spent half his time around his kids scratching the back of his neck while the twins ran wild and the baby got into everything in the hut.

No, this was something that he'd have to figure out on his own. But he'd have to learn fast, because the kid was expected within the week. How the fuc.., er , how the hel.., no still not right, was it? How the poo-poo would he ever be able to get it right by then?

He knew that a dad should protect his kids. He could do that fine. He knew that a dad should play with his kids, but when they were small they couldn't play very much, could they? It seemed like they just cried and ate. And needed changing often.

If it cried, he didn't know what he would do. He never had liked crying. In fact he couldn't stand crying. So would he hate the kid if it cried all the time. He hadn't hated Miroku and Sango's kids when they'd cried. He'd just left when they'd started making with the tears and noise. He knew that Kagome might be upset with him if he left every time their own kid cried. She might even expect him to be able to make it stop.

When it came to feeding the little thing, Kagome would have to take care of it. There was just no way he was equipped to do that. He'd have to say a prayer of thanks for that.

But he had a feeling that he might be expected to pitch in on the changing part. And that was a part that he wanted no part of. He would rather face all the evils of hell than take care of one little baby poop. Kagome would just have to be careful how much she fed it. If it didn't eat too much, it couldn't poop too much, right?

He had just congratulated himself on thinking without cursing, when he'd realized he'd thrown a hell in there, but damn it, he couldn't change who he was, could he? How could anyone expect him to go to mush just because the world had one more milk guzzler?

Maybe he could just hang out in the forest for the next twenty years, or so. He could protect Kagome and the brat from there, and maybe the kid would be able to change itself by then. How long did they need someone to do that for them, anyway?

Kagome had been showing him all the things that she'd made or gathered for it. He couldn't believe how little the thing would be when it was born. He'd seen his friends kids as newborns, sure. But this was different. This would be his kid, and it should be born big and strong.

From what he'd seen he didn't think it would be able to communicate with them at all for quite some time. How the fuc..., how in blazes would they know what the little thing needed when it needed something? Were they supposed to become damn mind readers? Shit, he'd done it again.

And how would this change their life together? After three years apart, he finally had his woman by his side. He'd had her by his side, all right; by his side, underneath him, on top of him, laying down, standing up and however the hell else he'd wanted to have his woman. He'd really enjoyed being so open and honest about how he felt toward Kagome. He loved the way being open led to being close to Kagome.

Hell, he'd been so open that Shippou had almost gotten a eyeful of closeness a few times. The damn kit seemed to know just when to wander into a secluded clearing or romantically lit cave in order to interrupt all the closeness that he'd planned. That cave had been hard to find, too. It had even come complete with a hot spring.

It'd been worth it, though. After they'd made the brat leave, he'd had a night of closeness he'd never even imagined possible before. They'd been close in so many different ways that night that he'd lost count. That was the night that had put him in this fucking situation, though. Now he didn't know how long it would take to be able to be that close again, and he'd decided he _**really **_liked being close like that.

With Kagome's full breasts and rounded belly, she was perfect for being close with. He had to admit that as the pregnancy progressed, and she filled out more and more, he'd wanted to be close with her more and more often. He couldn't seem to keep his hands off her, even in public. She was just so damn soft and yielding, yet strong and protecting at the same time. She truly was the woman of his dreams.

Fuck, all this thinking of being close was getting him in trouble. Now, he wanted to be close right this minute, and Kaede, the old hag, had told Kagome that they couldn't really be close until after the kid was born. It wasn't even here yet, and it was already causing him grief. He really didn't know how the hell he was going to be able to do this.

He might have to go into the forest and be close all by himself, if he couldn't get this under control. What he really needed was something to take his mind off of Kagome's soft skin, and luscious curves. He needed something to make him forget her soft eyes, looking at him with desire that matched his own. He had to find something to make him forget her warm, inviting mouth, and what she could do with that tongue of her's.

Damn it, this was only making it worse! He'd passed the point of no return. Even a dip in an ice cold stream wouldn't be enough now. Nothing short of an earth shattering event would be able to keep his mind away from the pleasures of being close to Kagome.

Maybe she would have some ideas about how to help him out of this predicament without violating Kaede's edict. Yeah, she was smart, wasn't she? All that damn schooling she'd had must've done some good, right? Kagome would just have to find a way for them to be close without being _**really**_ close, that's all.

He was near enough to their home that he could already anticipate the closeness in which they would soon be engaging. If he didn't get some closeness soon, he was going to explode.

Damn it all! Just what the hell was that piss-poor excuse for a monk doing standing outside his and Kagome's private palace of closeness? It looked like the whole fucking village was here. Even his bastard of a brother had decided to show up. He was _**really**_ going to have trouble with this language thing.

Everyone seemed to want to tell him that he and Kagome were going to have a baby, like he wasn't worried enough about that already. He could see the kid growing in her stomach, couldn't he? And hadn't he been with Kagome when she told **them** about the baby? If they'd just try talking one at a time, maybe he could focus on what they were saying

He might be dense sometimes, but why the hell hadn't they let him know sooner that the baby was coming right now? Kagome might want him with her, right? But what if she wanted him to stay away until it was over? He had an idea about how this whole birth thing worked, and he didn't think he would be upset if he just waited outside until the women were all done inside.

He just couldn't stay away when he heard Kagome calling for him, though. He really could have done without having to see how the little creature came in to the world, but he would never question Kagome's strength again. His woman had to be the strongest, most determined female to ever walk this world. How the hell could she do what she was doing, otherwise?

He was suddenly glad that he only had to worry about protection and providing for his family's every need. How could he have put Kagome in the position to have to go through this? Would she hate him for it? Would she ever want to be close with him again? Looking at the delivery scene, and what he'd caused, he couldn't stand himself. Hell, he might have no choice about living in the forest for a few decades.

He didn't understand how one second Kagome was screaming at him about how he was going to pay for all she was going through, and the next second there was a baby among them that all the women were cooing over. It must be some secret woman thing, because he could swear that he'd been beside Kagome's futon, and not laying on the floor. There's no way that he could have passed out. No, they must have put some kind of spell on him so he wouldn't learn their mysterious methods.

But now that he could get a good look at the little thing, it didn't look scarey. As a matter of fact, it was just about the most beautiful thing that he'd ever seen. It was all pink and soft in Kagome's arms. Speaking of Kagome and beautiful, he'd never seen her look quite like this, either. He could swear that the two of them were glowing. He could swear, but that would be bad to do around the little bundle in his wife's arms, wouldn't it?

He couldn't wait to see if he had a son or a daughter. He might have found the words to ask Kagome what it was, but he really couldn't remember how to form words just then. He could take a look and figure it out for himself, anyway. It was half his kid, wasn't it? He had a right to hold it, too. He might just decide to hold it for a long time, too.

He would be sure to mind his claws, but he really wanted to hold the little thing and find out just what it really was. He could handle the unbundling part, but he might have to have help when it came to wrapping it back up. He wanted to make sure it was done correctly, after all.

So he had a daughter, did he? And she was the most perfect little princess that had ever been born. She'd even left a gift for him in her precious little diaper. He would just have to take care of that, now wouldn't he? And as far as bundling her back up went, he could do that, too. The others might not get it the way it should be, and his daughter deserved to have it done perfectly, didn't she?

When she looked at him with eyes that mirrored his own, he knew that he would always do whatever she wanted. Not that he'd spoil her. You couldn't spoil an angel, could you? Just looking at that little face that looked so much like her mother's was enough to melt any heart.

He couldn't understand why he'd spent the last few months being so afraid. Why hadn't anyone ever told him about this? He didn't have to know how to be a dad, he just had to follow his heart.

It might be a while until Kagome would feel like being close again, but he was satisfied for now. Nothing could be more fulfilling than sitting here with his two favorite women, enjoying the glow. And who knows? Maybe soon he could take his wife and daughter out for a run in the forest. It would be kind of fun now that he wouldn't have to look for a place to live while he was there.

--

A/N: This story was inspired by an old Jonathon Brandmeier song called 'How'm I Gonna Be a Dad?', coincidentally enough. I haven't heard it in years, but it always made me laugh. The only line that I can remember for sure is, "I'm thirty years old, and I don't do as I'm told, so how'm I gonna be a dad?"(the actual pronunciation is 'how-my-gonna-be-a-dad') If you change that to 200 years old, it seems to fit.

If anyone can find the lyrics, please let me know. I spent a whole day looking, and still couldn't find them.


End file.
